Saturday, June 22, 2013

your voice

i mean
i dont care
i mean
honestly
i just want to hear your voice
i mean
it doesnt matter what you say
i mean
i dont mean
that it doesnt matter what you say
i mean
that i just want to hear your voice

i mean
i dont care
i mean
the words arent important
i mean
its the sound...
 ...the resonance...
  ...the lo-fi crackle of radio waves...
   ...the buzzing in the air...
    ...the humming fan...
     ...the deep sleep affair...
i mean
        ...youre there
and it soothes me
i mean
in the most selfish way imaginable
it soothes me
i mean
the plunging rush
i mean
the bird peeped early morning rustle
i mean
...beep...beep...beep...beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...

it soothes me
i need
that hustled peace
i mean
crush me
i mean
whisper dusk deceit
just lull me like a fool
i mean
seep into my skull
and crush me

i mean
i dont care
i mean
honestly
i mean
i just want to hear
your voice
i just want to hear
your voice
i just want to hear
you there
i mean
just talk to me
just talk
as long as i hear you
i dont care
i mean
i dont mean
that i dont care
i mean
i just want to hear your voice

the seasons never change

we were roped in
tokin refer
hopes ramblin
with intangible dreams
you, the free-wheelin gambler
me, heels diggin in

a softness to the spring
made our efforts all the more flowery
we produced the heart stuff
radiated billowy song
from rainbow bellows
to bloom out the sadness
and keep the dark at bay

cuz the seasons never change
and we ll never be cold
or alone again

you can wake me up like thunder
you can kiss me like the rain
you can strike me down like lightning
my love, i swear its all the same

we were enchanted
by dope spells
hexey incantations
motel exorcisms
body fluid baptisms
we drove the pope to tears
made mecca quake
and gave the holy lama wet dreams
resounding passions to the wind
never seeing heavy weather closing in

a rawness to the sting
when winter finally came and came
our loss all the more sorrowful
by hailin insults and frosty blame
and violins now pluck their strings
bass rumble bring the storm clouds in
as risin waves swell between us
and grey skies choke out the last resonatin rays

we ll be
washed ashore someday
all the heartache washed away
we ll hit
another whimsied score
and tap dance madly in the rain
we ll feel
that sun sent warm
and our hearts will burn again

cuz the seasons never change
my love, i swear its all the same

you can wake me up like thunder
you can kiss me like the rain
you can strike me down like lightning
my love, i swear its all the same

losing the battle

losing the battle


she asked
“why do you act like life is a battle?”


i was stuffing necessities in my sack
in preparation for another school day


but that statement made me stop
and think...


the first question was,
do i?
it was instinctual, a defense mechanism. i knew i did, but she was attacking me. so maybe there was no merit to her accusations. but there was. and she was right. i was in the very heart of a battle


the second question was,
why doesnt everyone else?
i had no idea


i said in my head to her,
“because, it feels like theres so much at stake. because, it feels like the obstacles are malicious. because, i dont know what im fighting for or whose interests im benefiting. because, all i see is life murdering itself. because, even though we hide behind civility, a little voice inside me says, ‘these are your enemies’. they smile, and shake your hand, and hold doors for you, but they would club your skull in with a femur bone under the right circumstances. because, i cant even look at a seemingly tranquil scene with butterflies, flowers and bees and not see the turmoil that is the very fabric of reality stretching and straining to keep everything in focus so the dream can feel real. because, i dont want to die. because, i want to win”


...i decided
looking at her glowing eyes and glowing soul
for tactical purposes it was better to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself
she saw butterflies, flowers and bees
and nothing more

i felt the hordes closing in
so i threw on my pack, grabbed her by the hand and said “lets go”
there was the disturbing feeling of seeping worlds and a tightening in our hold

at that moment

i think we both kind of felt sad for each other